Happy Everything!

May YOUR holidays be free of Google searches finding out if the song on the radio is sung by Ke$ha or Rihanna.

May YOUR holidays be free of explaining to your seven year old that there isn't anyone out there who can marry dogs ... nor do dogs need to be married in order to have puppies.

May YOUR holidays be free of having to reinforce why people should be married in order to have babies.

May YOUR holidays be free of describing just how the dog got pregnant in the first place.

May YOUR holidays be free of vaguely discussing how ladies get pregnant ...

May YOUR holidays be free of 19 month old toddlers who eat way more bean and cheese burritos than you could possibly imagine ... and have the toots that rival teenage boys!

... and most importantly,

May YOUR holidays be pink-eye free.


Dear Sheridan ...

Exactly six years ago today ... at 8:24 pm ... after 12 hours of labor and NO epidural ... weighing in at 7 lbs, 12 ounces ... in the Muscat Private Hospital, in the Sultanate of Oman ... you were born.

I know how much you like looking at your photos growing up, so let's take a walk down memory lane...

Here's the slide show I made right after you were born ... Click Here to view it on Shutterfly

And here are photos of you on your birthday for the past 6 years ...

1st birthday ~ Tel Aviv

2nd birthday ~ Tel Aviv

3rd birthday ~ Tel Aviv

4th birthday ~ Newport Beach

5th birthday ~ Chennai

6th birthday ~ Newport Beach

Happy birthday baby girl ... here's to many more years of you keeping us all on our toes!


Last Photo EVER Of This Five Year Old ...

... because when she wakes up in the morning, she's going to be SIX!

My what a difference a day makes.


If She's Learned ANYTHING At All From Me ...

... it's that in order to be heard, you MUST repeat yourself at least three times. The evidence? Tonight's latest letter to the tooth fairy.

Apparently, all she does want for Christmas are her two bottom teeth. I'd just be thrilled if she'd lose the two ugly top ones... the black one and the chipped one.


What Would YOU Do? **Take 2**

It's been a few years since we played this game, though I'm sure you can recall several instances where I went crazy with the schools in India. Remember the field trip incident with Sheridan's school? How about the school librarian spilling the beans about the tooth fairy? And who could forget about the maid sleeping in bathroom and taking photos of the kids incident at the International School?

I thought we'd be issue-free this year at our elementary school on the beach, but unfortunately Riley's class has had a problem child. Normally, I wouldn't get too concerned about a child with issues since ... well ... I, myself, have a spicy middle child who managed to lock all the girls in the bathroom and turn off the lights on her first day of kindergarten.

However, this young boy started the school year by getting suspended during the third week for unprovokingly scratching a child's face until it bled. Since his return, he's thrown items at the teacher (blocks and chairs), destroyed school property, used extremely foul language (the mother *effer* kind), and is disruptive, confrontational, and refuses to follow directions on a daily basis. How do I know all of this? Riley tells me weekly ... as do the many other parents who volunteer in the class.

So in true Perlman fashion, I wrote the below letter to the principal yesterday and copied it to the teacher. I just don't know what good it's going to do ... because from what I've been told, the principal has known about these issues but hasn't done anything. Why? Because up until last week, when she herself was hurt by this child, she felt the teacher had been exaggerating and provoking the child. Hence, little, if any, documentation has been filed with the district. My concern now is that things are going to stay status quo. And that's just not acceptable anymore.

I don't exactly know what the desired result is ... I just know that something's gotta give.

Dear Principal ****,

I want to express my growing concerns about my daughter's second grade classmate, (name withheld to protect the guilty). Since the beginning of the school year, my daughter has come home with weekly reports of (kid's name)'s behavior that has ranged from inappropriate and disruptive to alarming and destructive. The negative attention constantly placed upon him is beginning to overshadow the positive classroom environment that Mrs. Clarke has been so diligently trying to achieve. Quite frankly, it's unfairly taking precious time away from the other students.

Additionally, as a new family at the school, I find it frustrating to believe that this type of behavior has been tolerated for the past fourteen weeks. Scratching another child's face, throwing anything at the teacher, using foul language, and causing general mayhem is not only inexcusable, but it's intolerable.

(The local elementary school) prides itself with the saying, "Failing is NOT an option". However, by trying so hard not to fail this one student, the other twenty one have been left behind. Sadly, we don't know what the next trigger for this child will be, nor how dangerous the situation may become. Why are we waiting to find out?

With my husband in Baghdad, Iraq for the year, I already have to worry daily about his safety. When I send my daughter to school every morning, I shouldn't have to worry about hers too.

Jill Perlman


All In The Name Of Vanity

I went for my second Rosacea laser treatment today... six weeks to the day since my last visit. Remember that?

However, this time I was prepared. This time I knew what to expect. This time I knew exactly how it would feel, what my nose would look like, and even planned an entire weekend of activities ... knowing full well that nobody would even notice that I had anything done to my face.

Except ... I left the office with my nose looking nothing like it did the last time.

See, I mentioned to the dermatologist that I didn't notice any difference since the last treatment. Not only that, I didn't have any redness or even showed any signs that I had laser treatment done.

She fixed that today.

Apparently when your dermatologist asks you if you have any plans for the week because when she turns up the intensity on the laser your nose is going to bruise immediately, turn purple, and stay that way for about 7 days ...

... and you respond, "no worries because I can always cover it up with make-up"

... and she responds back with, "um... no, makeup isn't going to cover this"

... and you roll your eyes because you don't believe her... and then say, "bruise me ... bruise me doctor"

Well ... then you're an idiot. And you should have. Because your dermatologist specializes in laser treatments. And she wasn't kidding. And now you're bruised and you look like Rudolph's third cousin, once removed.

There really wasn't any more pain for this laser treatment than the last time. Okay, maybe it was a little more intense. But nothing awful. It just looks far worse than it feels.

5 minutes after I left the doctor's office ...

1 hour later ...

3 hours later ...

10 hours later ...

Lucky for me, I live in the land of the laser treatment, so nobody even blinked when I went shopping this afternoon. Of course, I'm sure there may be a few glances once this bruise starts to heal ... because the doctor warned me that it scabs before it falls off.

I think I just may believe her.

p.s. I am very aware that I'm not wearing any makeup, that the photos are taken way-too up close and personal, and that I probably should have at least plucked my eyebrows or put on some of my trademark dark lipstick for the photos. Would it really have helped detract your eyes from my nose?

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