Trip To The Zoo

Last Saturday we took the kids to the Arignar Anna Zoological Park (aka "the zoo") in Vandalur, about an hour from our house. We went with a small Consulate contingent, and met up with everyone at the entrance just after the zoo opened. The Park was HUGE, far larger than I had anticipated. However, they didn't have any printed maps to show us where to go, rather we were stuck relying on the faded and outdated directories sporadically scattered throughout the park. And of course, there were no "You Are Here" symbols on these directories to show us where in the world we may be. Go figure.

The zoo was actually quite clean, and had a wide variety of animals. Although at times I questioned what was really on exhibit... us or the wildlife. We definitely got more attention than they did!

I got a chuckle out of many of the signs posted around the park. My particular favorite is the evolution of man... from "Chaka" (Land of the Lost) to a bleached-0ut Bollywood actor from the 70's. Clearly no "man-scaping" there. Anyway...

The kids had a great time riding on the elephant, seeing the white tigers, laughing at the all the different species of monkeys, and enjoying the day with their friends.

Here are some of the photos from the day...

It's Been An India Week ... Literally

not figuratively... as last week was India Week at the girls school.

They had a bevy of activities lasting the entire week ... Kathak dancing, a puppet show, Sitar music, and two elementary assemblies, yoga, Bollywood dancing, mehindi, and an Indian lunch.

Here are the girls at their respective assemblies...

Sheridan ... and her KG class

Riley ... the paparazzi parents during the 1st grade performance ...
my girlfriend Kristin (aka Carter's mom) holding Grady

India Week followed the school's annual Welcome Back Picnic and Charity Fair, which was held the previous Saturday, January 30th. It was a day filled with games, prizes, food, and music.

Here they are posing for a few photos with their friend Carter, who spent the day hanging with us, while his folks prepared for his older sister's birthday party.

75 Minutes of WOW!

Actually it was more like 52 minutes, but besides me, who was counting?

We took the girls to see a live show tonight by the Extra Terrestrials, a traveling European acrobatic and entertainment troupe performing in Chennai over the last few days. As their website boasted, these fearless entertainers provided "a 75-minute action packed show that set your heart pounding and your adrenaline racing, with some of the most mind-blowing action, performances, and visual treats the city has ever seen!"

Actually the only one whose heart raced and adrenaline pumped was Sheridan's, as she was petrified of the initial performance by "Hans and Franz", the Hung-arian, gold painted, hand balancing duo, wearing nothing but matching gold thongs and a smile.

The lack of attire seemed to be a theme of the evening, as each artist came out in a more revealing, form fitting, and flamboyant outfit. In addition to the plum smuggling, the stage was abuzz with a montage of different acts ranging from acrobatic gymnasts, unicyclist, hula hoop spinner, illusionist and topped off with a laser light show.

The Extra Terrestrials were advertised on the radio for the past two weeks promising the "Wow-Factor". Being the cynical one, I actually did time the show to see if I got my full Rs 750 worth of "wow". With the first seven minutes of the show devoted to sponsor advertisements, coupled with the two minute introduction to each performance, and minute of awkward silences created when the music abruptly ended following each act, I'd say that the show was probably no longer than 50'ish minutes.

Did I get my money's worth? While it certainly wasn't The Flying Wallendas, Ringling Brothers, or even Cirque de Soleil, it was entertaining. And I did catch myself uttering a "wow" or two during the show. Maybe even three. But who's counting.

I Have a Love/Hate Relationship With My Household Staff

Wow, that sounds pretentious. But, I live in Chennai. In a third world country. So I'm giving myself a pass on that one.

I've talked in the past about how important it is to find good help here in Chennai. After living here for over a year and a half, I can't emphasize enough how crucial it is to mesh with the maid, dig the driver, and groove with the gardener, as they're at your house every...single...day...

As someone who really enjoys her privacy, having people in my house and around my yard all day long is really disconcerting. Sure, I love having a clean kitchen, sparkling clean toilets, and shiny floors, but it all comes with a price. My solitude. Forget sitting around in my pj's. Don't even think about running downstairs to grab something from the dryer in just a towel. Walking around with a tank top and no bra? Not kosher! And honestly, I don't even feel comfortable just vegging on the couch watching TV while they're here. Crazy, I know, but I still can't do it.

I've been very blessed with my latest housemaid. If you remember, I had a heck of a time finding the right person who could multi-task, understand English, communicate, and who I could stand being with in my house for nine long hours every ... single ... day. But I found her. And after seven months, I still like her as much as I did the day I hired her. She's a sweet girl who thankfully isn't from here. She's from Delhi. And while it doesn't seem like it's that big of a difference, let me assure you that it is. She's seen a "real" city. She's been to "real" grocery stores. She's experienced other cultures. She gets it. She's also a wonderful care-giver to Grady, she loves babysitting the girls, she's a fantastic cook, and her cleaning is above average. I'd even go so far as to say it's better than "Chennice."

Now my driver? My head hurts from banging it against the wall. I don't even know where to begin. What sounds like a luxury with having a driver, is initially a necessity. The streets are a free for all. Parking is virtually non-existent. There are yellow pages, but many business don't go by the names in the book, nor could they give a Westerner directions, even if they spoke English! There's no zoning. No business district. Unless you know where to go, you really don't know how to get there. Streets have three different names, not that you'd even know because there are no street signs.

To complicate things even further, if you completely rely on your driver because you don't have your Tamil Nadu driver's license and you're too afraid to drive, then when he's late, you're late. Or worse, if he doesn't show up, you're stranded.

After getting stranded myself a few times, I learned to drive. At first, it scared the daylights out of me. I was tentative. It was awkward driving on the left side of the road with the steering wheel on the right. I wasn't comfortable driving with the same reckless abandon as the locals. I wasn't confident. I drove every Sunday when the traffic was less. Then I tried on Saturdays. I went out on the weekdays, and even began driving at night. Slowly but surely I became skilled enough not only with my driving, but also with my directions. So much so, that I often dismiss my driver early in the afternoon, just so I can gain back some of my independence.

Drivers are also used to run errands. A schlepper per se. Clothes need to go to the dry cleaner? No problem. Have your driver take them. You need to go grocery shopping or are missing an ingredient for dinner? Give your driver a list and send him off. You need to fill a prescription filled, get flowers for a dinner party, have the gas tank filled, or something dropped off at a friends house. Send your driver do it.

This is all in an ideal world.

Unfortunately, our seemingly competent driver has recently been having troubles successfully accomplishing these menial tasks. Apparently it's too difficult for him to arrive early enough to take me to the school for meetings or other obligations. In the past two weeks he's arrived late three times, thus forcing me to drive to the school myself. Normally it isn't a problem, but lately I've been feeding Grady breakfast on the twenty minute drive to the school. Late breakfast = cranky child = irritated mom. And the kicker? He doesn't even let me know he's going to be late, rather he arrives at my house and then sends me a text message saying that he's here and he's sorry that I'm not. Really? What part of text me so that I don't wait for you do you not understand?

Another frustrating aspect is that despite specific instructions and lists, he's been returning from the stores with the wrong items. Or worse, with no items. And always with an excuse. Some of my favorites are:

"They don't have that" ~ Which can mean ... the one store he went into doesn't carry that particular item right now, though it probably means that he just didn't feel like checking at another store.

"It's too expensive" ~ Which can mean ... that he didn't get an exact price, so he's just assuming that it's too much money. It's also used as a deterrent to potentially cut down on his workload... if it's too expensive, I won't make him go out and search for something that I may not buy.

"Only one store carries that" ~ Which can mean ... that he doesn't feel like driving across town to another store to get what I need. Or that he has no idea what I really want.

"It will take time" ~ Which can mean ... The store doesn't have it now. Or the store said they'll have it soon. Or the store has no idea when they're going to get in the specific item. But most likely ... that he's too lazy to take care of it correctly, or in a timely manner.


Without going into any more specifics incidences and irritations with my driver, of which there are many, let's just sum it up by saying that I've finally hit my limit. I obviously don't need a driver. I only need a part-time schlepper. But I can't really get that. It's all or nothing. So I gave him an ultimatum. It's my way or the highway, and there are no more chances.

Matt seems to think he'll be gone by the end of the month. Who knows... maybe I will get to walk around without a bra during the day after all. No wait, I forgot about the rest of the people still at my house... the gardener, the roving guards, the maintenance people... Ahhh... big sigh.

Just Like A Second Honeymoon ...

... only TOTALLY different.

Ten years ago we went to Maui for our week-long honeymoon. We stayed at the Four Seasons Hotel. We sipped champagne pool-side. We got massages. We basked in the warm Hawaiian sun, and admired the beautiful clientele with the rock hard abs, toned legs, and bronzed skin. We oogled at the celebrities on vacation. We were awed by the staff's attentiveness, often anticipating our every need, whether poolside or fetching chaise's by the beach.

This past weekend's vacation... nothing like our honeymoon.

We stayed at the Taj Exotica Hotel in Bentota, Sri Lanka, a three hour winding drive south of Colombo. The hotel came highly recommended, though in retrospect I'm not sure why. Although the facilities were nice, the service proved less than stellar for what was touted as a 5-star hotel. Noticeably absent was the attentive staff; replaced instead by non-English proficient local employees who ignored requests for assistance, yet were quick to have their hand out for tips at every occasion.

The toned and tan bodies of Maui were transformed in Sri Lanka by fat, hairy, sunburned Russians in their too-small Speedos and thick gold chains. You know the ones... with the blond trophy girlfriends straight off the stripper poles, with $10,000 breasts and lips, strutting around in their thong-bikinis and high heels. Lounging next to them were the chain-smoking French, and the shriveled up Brits. All that was needed were some Italians in Sergio Tacchini track suits with over sized D&G sunglasses and this could have been a Eurotrash Club Med.

Another highlight was each morning's melee, referred to as the hotel's breakfast buffet. I've seen calmer $4.99 all-you-can-eat buffets at the Howard Johnson's on the strip in Vegas. It was a free for all, fighting for un-ripe fruit and stale cereal. Nobody helped clear tables, nor respond to sweep up the broken shards sprawled all over the floor from Sheridan's dropped plate.

And Matt's scuba diving trip... or lack thereof? After schlepping thirty-five pounds of dive equipment all the way from Chennai, his trip never materialized, thanks in part to the so-called concierge (who Matt now suspects was merely a bellhop killing time behind the concierge desk). The fly-by-night dive operator neglected to tell Matt that the dive had been canceled due to poor visibility, until after he had waited almost 45 minutes to be picked up. Matt should have questioned the operator's professional credentials when they misspelled the word boat as "boart" throughout their brochure.

The saving grace of this trip was that the kids had a great time. All the kids loved the pool, and the beach was pristine with calm, warm water, shallow enough for the girls to frolic in the waves. Additionally, the room was large enough to accommodate three beds and a crib, while still leaving us ample space to move about.

Of course, it wouldn't be a Perlman family vacation without a little vomit.... which in this instance, came from Sheridan an hour into our return trip back to the airport. Lucky for her, she put away the iPod mere minutes before she spewed her breakfast all over herself and the red velour seats in the taxi. Another ten minutes on the side of the road and a complete change of wardrobe later, we were back on track.

Once again, it was a family vacation filled with drama and adventure, another stamp in the passport and a little car sickness. Though not an entirely ideal location, the trip was worth it, and more importantly, so were the memories.

Greetings from ...

... where we are celebrating our ten year anniversary. with the kids.

so far, so good. no vomit.

more later!

Ani L'Dodi V'Dodi Li ... I Am My Beloved's, And My Beloved Is Mine

Ten years ago today we said those words to each other.

In front of 200 people dressed in their best formal wear.


Ten years ago today he promised me an exciting life together.

He pledged an adventure.

He told me he'd take me to far away places.

He swore we'd never be bored.


A decade later and I'd say he's pretty much been true to his word.


I am a very lucky lady to have traveled all over the world, lived overseas in interesting places, been blessed with three beautiful children, established deep rooted friendships, and given the opportunity to live a life I never thought imaginable.


To my parents, I love you and am so thankful to have such a close relationship with you.

To my in-laws, I love you and am so thankful to have such a close relationship with you.

And to my darling husband, I love you and am so amazingly blessed to have you in my life.

Ani L'Dodi V'Dodi Li. Here's to the next decade together.



Here are a few video clips from our wedding. The first one is of the processional... a favorite of the girls. They love seeing their grandparents, great grandparents, uncles, cousins, and friends... Of course, they really get mesmerized seeing mommy in her "princess" gown and daddy with the "hat thingy" on his head. Yeah, yeah... we need to get them in Sunday School.





The second clip is a montage of photos of us growing up... and then video footage of our photo shoot before the wedding.

Eight For Eight ...

Yes... the little munchkin is already 8 whopping months old. Eight months old!! I swear I can't believe it.

He is cute. Really, really cute. And no, I'm totally not biased at all. Just ask my parents. Or in-laws.

I'm very lucky that he's SUCH an easy baby. Yes, I did say that out loud and know that I'm totally going to regret it tomorrow when he wakes up at the crack a** of dawn or something. Of course, I also said that Sheridan was easy when she was his age and look what I have on my hands now... a 5 year old daughter who flips the bird, who still throws some serious tantrums, and who may or may not eat a single meal put in front of her, though that usually only happens on days that end in 'y'.

His tricks of late are... eating everything put in front of him, especially hummus and mashed potatoes. Untying and throwing the bumpers out of his crib. Sitting. Attempting to crawl. Screeching. Clapping. Smiling... oh does this little guy smile.

He's busy. He's very busy. And he's all boy... as especially noted when I take off his diaper and he reaches for his nether regions.

Another One For The Sheridan Files...

Every evening when the kids get home from school we go through the exact same routine; homework, dinner, dessert, dancing, bath time, story time, glass of wine for mommy time, and ending with my favorite... bedtime. Throw a wrench in our routine... also known as daddy's out of town ... and you've got a recipe for uncontrolled mayhem. Tonight was no different.

While giving the girls a bath, I found myself needing to use the toilet. Since I usually don't have a moment to even poop to myself as there's always a kid who needs me at that very moment, I figured that taking ten seconds to pee in front of them would be perfectly fine. However, unbeknownst to me at the time, they were both staring at my lady-parts, and when I stood up the two of them burst out laughing while Sheridan said, "Mommy, you have a hairy tush."

Awesome!

This kind of talk comes on the heels of some trouble Sheridan recently got in on the school bus. Apparently she was pulled aside and reprimanded for none other than ... flipping people the bird. She claimed she had no idea that it meant anything. She thought she was just being funny. Of course, it was Riley who ratted her out, as Sheridan was so scared to tell us anything about it.

When Matt heard this last week he went ballistic and immediately wanted to know where she learned to do such a thing.

Before he could get too angry at her, I quickly went over to him and tapped him on the shoulder.


*ahem*


"I'm quite sure I know where she learned it ...."


I'm so totally winning mother of the year.

Dad, Are You The Tooth Fairy ...

... is not just a book ... but a question asked by Riley over the winter break as well.

"No!! Of course I'm not the tooth fairy. Why would you say something like that?," Matt replied back to her, trying very hard to contain his surprise at the question she asked him one evening while my parents were in town.

"That's what the book said you'd say to me." "The Librarian read us a story last week that said the tooth fairy was the last fairy to go, and that our parent's are really the tooth fairy and that they're the ones who take our teeth and leave us money."

Matt yelled for my dad and me to come into the bathroom where he retold us what Riley had said, and pointedly asked us if either of us were the tooth fairy.

"No Riley, none of us are the tooth fairy. Sorry to disappoint you." I said, while subtly making eye contact with Matt, acknowledging through our furrowed brows and shifty eyes the unspoken conversation.

We were both devastated.

As you know, the tooth fairy has been working overtime here in Chennai, with Riley losing five teeth in one month! Every time she lost a tooth, she'd excitedly put it in an envelope and wrote a note to the tooth fairy. And every morning when she woke up, she waited until we were all together to take the envelope from underneath her pillow, and read the note the tooth fairy wrote, all the while beaming from ear to ear.

Riley is only six years old. I wasn't ready for this fantasy to be extinguished. I needed to find out the truth to this story.

So last Tuesday I went to the school and confronted the Librarian about the story she read to the first grade class. She pulled up the book information on her computer and showed me the premise of the story. It was a book titled, "Dad, Are You The Tooth Fairy?" written by Jason Alexander. The book is about a little boy who grows up and starts hearing things that bigger boys rather not have heard ... who then asks his dad if he's the tooth fairy ... and then the story the father tells about magical creatures from long ago.

The Librarian boldly assured me that the story said nothing of parent's being the tooth fairy, and that there is no way that my daughter could have misconstrued the meaning of the book. So I asked her to let me read it. Which she did, while watching my every move from behind her desk.

And she was right. The story was fine for the first seven pages. But when I got to page eight, I could feel my ears get red and my lips pursing as the first of many inappropriate sentences were whirling in front of my very eyes. Sentences like ... "Gaby also heard (and I'm sad to say he listened) that tooth fairies were nothing more than childish make-believe. That it was really moms and dads who tiptoed into children's rooms, threw away the old teeth, and left gifts behind."

Or worse ... "From this day forth, your parents must take the teeth from beneath your pillows. Then they will sit in a quiet place with a pencil in their hands. They'll close their eyes and soon they'll hear a voice inside their heads." "The voice will tell them what to write and what treasures to exchange."

I didn't even finish the book before I loudly shut it, walked up to her desk, and told her that I wanted the book removed from the Kindergarten - 3rd grade reading material. Dumbfounded, all she could do was show me her computer again, verifying that the book states it's perfectly acceptable for KG- 3rd graders. All she could say was that it's been approved by the American Library Association, and she even read it last year and never had a complaint.

I told her that it didn't matter to me whether she had any complaints or not. The book delved into situations that weren't appropriate for the school to address. The book introduced situations that kids may not have even been aware... That unless these 1st graders had older siblings, or didn't observe the customs of the tooth fairy, that 6 and 7 year old kids probably never remotely dreamed that the tooth fair may be an adult. Why take away the magic? Why not let them believe? Moreover, why are you putting ideas into their heads that weren't even there in the first place?

The Librarian didn't understand. So I complained to the head Librarian at the school. He didn't understand either. Instead, he gave me paperwork to fill out that requests a reconsideration of school library material. Which I will do. And copy the elementary principal and head of school as well. Until then, I checked out the book and have no plans on returning it ... at least until I fill out the paperwork.

In my frustrated haze I left the library and ran into four mom-friends outside. I told them the brief story and read a few sentences from the book. Their jaws dropped as well. It confirmed exactly how I felt. Cheated.

It's been three weeks now and Riley hasn't talked about the book since her initial questions. We tried to sound as nonchalant as we could when she asked us, and never asked her any more questions, for fear she would see right through us.

However, she came home from school yesterday and told us that she just learned the library has only two kinds of books in it; fiction and non-fiction. And the Librarian made a point of telling the class the tooth fairy book she read was definitely fiction.

Whew... Good thing because Sheridan just lost her first tooth. Crisis averted for at least another month.

The note she wrote was...
"This is my first tooth and my mom pulled it out. Love, Sheridan"

Tap...Tap...Tap.... Is This Mic On??

Happy New Year!! Yeah, I know that we're already fifteen days into 2010... but it's my first blog post this year, so I figure that I can still squeeze in one last Happy New Year here, right?

Wow, it's been such a long time since I last wrote... I'm afraid I don't even know where to begin or how to recap these past few weeks in Shangri La.

As you all remember, my parents brought me 140+ pounds of food & wine (packed in 2 of their 4 bags... that they were able to bring due to flying business class - score!) when they came for their action packed visit here a few weeks ago. We had no real agenda for their trip, we just decided to go with the flow. My parents spent their time here entertaining the kids, playing tons of board games with the girls, sight seeing in Chennai, shopping, eating out, eating in, taking photos, taking blurry photos, taking videos, and watching Grady learn new tricks... like sitting up on his own, eating Cheerios, and clapping.

Then I sent them away for a few days ... to Kerala ... so we would have a little break from each other. They explored. They got a little religion in Jew Town. They went through a bottle of Purell when my mom dropped her sunglasses into the bottom of a squat toilet ... and retrieved them! After 3 full days they came back to Chennai refreshed, ready to power shop, to celebrate Sheridan's 5th birthday in her class, and to visit Mahabalipuram.

Part of getting the full Chennai experience is dealing with frustrating moments ... of which we encountered a few! Like when the vacuum stopped working and the maintenance department's answer was to use a new 110 voltage vacuum ... while schlepping a 10 pound transformer with it from room to room. Or when the dryer completely stopped working... with all my parent's clothes in it ... and so they had to hang everything up on the drying rack and wait for it to dry. Which it did, two days later! They were here when the car started making funny sounds again, when the internet went out 15+ times a day and then the service upgrade never went through, when my driver had a little problem picking up a case of regular Sprite (which is NOT 7up, nor diet Sprite - though that's an entirely ridiculous story for another day ).

We truly packed in as much as we possibly could during their 16-day trip, and I think they really enjoyed their visit. They got a first hand opportunity to see how we live, how we handle day-to-day life in this 3rd world country, how we've adjusted to the cultural differences.... or not. If I'm lucky, I may even be able to coax my parents into writing a blog post about their experiences here... what do you think? Would you do it? Pretty please!

There's so much more going on here... though I'll have to save it for the new few updates. Until then... here's a few photos of my folks trip to Chennai!

Here's my dad entertaining the kids...
Enjoying their time in Jew Town ...
A cute, yet blurry photo of me, my mom, and Gray

Mahabalipuram

Celebrating Sheridan's 5th birthday in her class...