8.01.2012

An Open Letter To My Next Babysitter ...

Dear Potential Babysitter,

So you think you have what it takes to watch my kids? Well bring it on! Just let me give you a wee bit of advice** if you want me to ask you back a second time.


* When I tell you the time frame that I'm looking to have you stay with the kids, I'm actually serious about it. Please don't call me during that time and ask me to hurry up or if I plan on coming home sooner. I'm not. If you had other plans, you shouldn't have agreed to come over.

* I'm so glad that you enjoy playing with my kids. But honestly? Don't text me photos of what you're doing with them throughout the night. As long as there isn't blood or property destruction, I truly don't care! I KNOW what they look like and that they're cute. Remember, I'm with them ALL ... DAY ... LONG ... which is exactly why I asked you to babysit in the first place!

* If I say that my kids need to eat a fruit before they have dessert, I'm okay if they eat a vegetable instead (or vice versa). Seriously, if they don't want to eat an apple, but rather ask for carrots, snap peas, or dare I say, broccoli, give them the flipping dessert. Healthy food is healthy food. On the flip side, when you give them dessert, they don't need to eat EVERY kind I have. One, maybe two, is all they need. Sure, you may win points with them if they get ice cream AND otter pops AND popcorn AND cookies, but you don't with me. That is unless you want them to pay you ... in Barbie's or Squinkies or friendship bracelets. Though I'm not quite sure those will pay the rent.

* My daughter's are 7 & 9 years old. They give me the play-by-play of everything you do, and they will rat your ass out! They watch you send and receive texts. They keep track of how much time you spend on your phone. And they KNOW that "just one minute" REALLY means five. Maybe ten. And probably twenty.

* The three year old is recently potty trained. Sure he may act like a camel. But when he tells you he has to go, he doesn't mean in a few minutes. He means RIGHT THIS VERY MINUTE ... the "kids" are crowning and ready to be dropped off at the pool.

* Oh and once he's done? Go wipe his butt! He's three. If you wait for him to wipe it, he'll only get as far back as his balls. And frankly, skid marks are gross and you're not the one stuck doing the laundry!

* I LOVE that you want to make dinner, bake cookies, or do fun art projects you found on Pinterest. But if you have the ability to search through my cupboards to use all of my pots, pan and utensils, you can ALSO find the soap. Clean. Your. MY. Sh*t. Up. I'm not paying you to leave dirty baking sheets, sticky counter tops, and crayon shavings under my espresso machine for me to wash. It wasn't that way when you came over! Treat my house like you would treat your own. Treat my house like you would treat your grandparents. Treat my house like you would treat the Queen of England's.

* Speaking of money, don't tell me that you need more for your car, your tuition, your house ... and then come the next time and show me your new tattoos and piercings.

* Please be respectful about the people for whom you work. I don't want to hear how awful the other family's children are or how they're ill behaved and disrespectful. I also don't need to hear how poorly the other parents pay, how lackadaisical they are in their discipline, or how they actually make you 'work'. There's an unwritten rule in childcare ... "what happens in babysitting, stays in babysitting". More importantly, you have NO idea who I know ...

* And finally, as you walk out the door at the end of a long night, please don't tell me how you're going to call in sick to work tomorrow. You're really going to disappoint all those kids who are looking forward to your positive attitude ... and your good work ethic.


Sincerely,

Jill Perlman

(who is NOT your mom, NOT your friend, just the crazy woman who pays you a LOT more money than I EVER earned babysitting to watch her three kids)


** Actual scenarios that have happened over the past two months between 3 different sitters.

15 comments:

Delhibound said...

ooooh, I despise the not cleaning up after herself and the kids example!

Kristi said...

Just came home last week to a sink full of messy dishes, a load of "kids in the pool", clothes all over the house from the clothes-to-pajama parade and a table full of markers with no tops (bleeding onto my mom's tablecloth-thanks!) papers all over the place and open playdough. Really? REALLY? I know your mom. I know how you were raised and I KNOW you know better than this.

And yet, the fifty bucks for five hours to myself was totally worth it.....

amy said...

I love the letter. I have also had to "train" my sitter to wash up after whatever they do. It is bad enough I don't have a dishwasher and I do all the dishes everyday.
Good luck.

Issas Crazy World said...

Every day I am thankful for the six teen girls in my family. heh.

Andrea SunnyDays said...

I can relate! When my son was five our babysitter told him to go play in his room cause she needed a break. Then she proceeded to sit down and help herself to our DVDs.

Another sitter sent our then 3 and 8 yr old outside to play. By themselves. I don't let my 3 yr go outside by herself for the whole night while you talk on your phone!

I also don't appreciate it when you show up 30mins late and I have no choice but to let you stay because I've already paid hundreds of dollars for the event I'm now late for.

It's no wonder why my husband and I never go out anymore....

Christy said...

This is the funniest thing I've read in ages. I'm so sorry to laugh at your expense! I'm sharing this!!!

anymommy said...

We had the best sitter in the entire world for three years. St. Kelsey. She graduated nursing school and left and I STILL MOURN HER.

Naomi said...

What's the 'typical' age of babysitters these days? I'd love to babysit for extra cash but at 27 I may be too old. Right? Promise I'd be responsible. Seems like the things you requested are pretty common sense.

Betsy said...

I am so thankful that my kids can now stay on their own. Our last babysitter was the girl next door. We asked her to limit electronics and to play a few games with them.

She texted her boyfriend for the first hour and then proceeded to go to sleep on our couch until we got home. Thanks, not!

Oh, and before she went to sleep she unlocked the passwords so my kids could spend 3 unsupervised hours on the internet.

It was awkward not hiring her again (so glad they moved!), but I expect that $12 an hour should get something more than a sitter sleeping on my couch!

Daniela Swider said...

I am trying not to laugh because I know if I were in your shoes, I'd want to scream but this was funny!!!

Just US said...

Oh no! I sure hope you can find a great sitter and sooner rather than later!

Mom24 said...

Wow! Just wow! I hope you find someone wonderful soon. If anyone needs to be able to have a reliable person there to spell them, it's you. We're all better when we can recharge.

gwenniepie.com said...

This is hilarious. I'm just about getting out of the game of babysitting at 31...and I certainly NEVER behaved like that at someone else's home. When I was making $3 or $20!

modestmuse said...

LOLOL I'm sorry that you have to write this, but you convey your points in a hilarious way! Always love your posts!!

Sara said...

Oh boy, I'm not looking forward to having to hire a teen babysitter some day!

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