2.29.2012

I Have A Lump

I have a small, pebble sized lump in my right breast, that was confirmed yesterday at my way-overdue annual exam.

And I am nervous.

I've known about this lump for a few months, having found it during one of my monthly breast exams. But with my background of breast reductions seventeen years ago, I never gave it much thought. Scar tissue was what I chalked it up to be. Maybe a cyst. Nothing more.

The reality though is that I'm at "that age." That mystical number that suddenly has you microscopically examining every nook and cranny of your body ... all while envisioning your mortality ... and contemplating Botox and Restylane to help you look the age you feel.

Unlike my past medical history, where I never mentioned anything until after I got the confirmation that all was okay, I want to talk about this.

Despite feeling, (and dare I say knowing), that in my heart of hearts all is going to be just fine. That it's probably nothing. I got spooked when the nurse told me within mere seconds of my exam, that she absolutely felt where and what I was talking about. It surely doesn't negate my anxiety of waiting to get my mammogram. It certainly won't stop the "what-if" fairy from making a daily pit-stop in my head.

So until I have my mammogram, (incidentally scheduled on Matt's birthday), when finally I take the films from my previous one and have them compared to this new one, I'll be breathing a little heavier. For patience is NOT my long suit ...

I'll also be reminding you to check your boobs. Because despite how youthful we all feel and look. I'm just 38 years young.

And I found a lump.

31 comments:

Mom24 said...

Oh Jill! I am hoping and praying that it's just a cyst or scar tissue or all the other "just a ____'s" it's likely to be. I also hope that you get answers quickly and easily. Keeping you in my prayers.

Becky said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anna See said...

praying all is well!

Kate Coveny Hood said...

I wish you didn't have to wait two weeks... I have been getting regular mammograms since I was 35 (since my mom had breast cancer) and a few years ago, I had a "suspicious shadow" in one. The waiting for the next appointment sucks. And like you, I was pretty sure that it would be nothing, but...

I'm local! So you know I'm always available to drive over if you need me.

Sadie said...

Oh Jill! I am choosing to believe it will all be okay, too, but man it would be a whole lot easier for you not to have to wait so long to find out! That may be the worst thing of all... Keeping you in my thoughts; keep us updated.

Briya said...

True Story:
This happened to me DURING CHRISTMAS. I spent my Christmas/New Years low-key freaking out. (I didn't want to ruin anybody else's holiday)

BUT. It was nothing to be worried about. And I hope the same for you.

*hugs*

Robin said...

I just had a 4 week wait for my own test results (biopsies of something else, which thankfully turned out to be nothing) so I can definitely empathize with how stressful the waiting for answers is.

I'll be sending truckloads of industrial strength good thoughts your way as you wait for the news that yours too is nothing to be concerned about.

xox

Emily said...

Oh Jill, I am so sorry. I hope that the time goes quickly until you find out...that time will be long, I am sure.
You will definitely be in our prayers.

Delhibound said...

Sending a virtual bottle of wine your way ...

anymommy said...

Very scary. I'll be holding you in my thoughts as you wait. Tell us as soon as you know. I can't wait to hear that you are okay.

Kate said...

Argh. So sorry. The waiting is miserable. I have a lump (I'm feeling it right now, in fact), but it has been checked out to be nothing, as I'm sure yours will be, too.

Happyscrapper42 said...

I will definitely add you to my prayer list. I pray for patience quite often, in fact just this morning I ask God to bless me with patience.

Nomads By Nature said...

Sending you positive vibes and holding you in prayer. Hope you are able to occupy your mind with all that is awesome to help the time fly by. The waiting stinks.

Kat said...

The waiting has got to be maddening. I hope the time goes quickly and that it turns out to be nothing serious. Sending good thoughts and prayers your way!

Cristen Martin said...

Jill, I am really sorry. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I truly hope it is a calcium deposit and they tell you to lay off the caffeine. That's what they said to me a few years ago. And I don't drink caffeine. Hang in there and keep us posted.

Sarah Novak said...

Sending love and good juju! XOXO

Headless Mom said...

I had the same thing a couple of years ago so I totally get that you are kinda freaked. I'll say a prayer that it truly is nothing. xo

Christy said...

You know I'm here for you, and sending you positive thoughts all the time. Fingers, toes, and everything else crossed that you are A-OK!!! xoxo

amy said...

Sending lots of positive thoughts your way and hugs. Please keep us in the loop. Hugs and love

Dilem*mama said...

Not knowing is the worst part. Your job right now is to have your right boob at the right place at the right time for the right experts to do what they do best. It's their job to take care of your boob and your job to tote your boob all over town.

Worrying isn't part of anyone's job description and nobody has a need for a free-lance worrier. While you might be an expert worrier, it's a skill you need to set aside. Yup, right there next to slide rule skills is fine.

Here's a big hug 'cause you can never have too many hugs.

Shannon said...

Sending positive thoughts and prayers your way. <3

Erin said...

If any woman can stare down a lump, it is YOU! And you'll do it with style, sass, and wearing stilettos!! You are strong, your marriage is strong, you have a strong supportive network, and you have good health care!! Girl, you are going to be just fine!! You have survived Oman, India, and Matt's deployment -- trust me, you'll fight this and win! HUGS!!!

Bfiles said...

I too am thinking of you...

The Allen Family said...

I've had two lumps removed (one at age 16 and the other at 33). They were both benign, but I know how hard it is to wait. Sending prayers your way.

Kristi said...

Thinking of you!

twoplusfourequalssix said...

Jill,

I have been a long time blog reader but never commented...(as my husband would call me a 'blog stalker')...

But I had to write you a note to let you know I will be praying for you throughout the next few weeks. Waiting is such a hard thing...

eve said...

take good care of yourself, jill. thinking of you and sending lots of healthy and positive thoughts your way.

Just US said...

Thinking of you and praying all turns out well during your mammogram!!

Heidi said...

Jill, I really, truly hope all is well. Thank you for letting us know. Wishing you all the very, very best.

CC said...

I am thinking of you and sending you all my positive thoughts and prayers.

Nomads By Nature said...

I think today is your big day, at least it has started here in Africa - you may still be sleeping yet. Keeping you in prayer, hoping you get your news quickly and that it is all good.

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