10.11.2010

Food Poisoning - 1* ... Jill - 0

I started feeling ill after dinner this evening. Not awful, but there was something. Something just didn't seem right. I laid on the couch while the girls ate their ice cream. They came and sat next to me while they read their library books. I kissed them goodnight and shooed them off to bed while the yukkiness slowly started to take over.

One hour ... two hours ... three hours pass ... and I know that it's not much longer before I'm going to be ill.

I keep the lights off in the bathroom, and I sit on the toilet. Praying for something to happen. I have a plastic bag in my hands and I bend over, breathing deeply. Waiting. It's not too long before my nether regions explode. Sorry. You chose to read this. You could have stopped when you saw the title.

I wash my hands. With soap. And shuffle into bed. My hair pulled back. Knowing that it needs to stay out of my face. Just in case.

I start to fall asleep and the hair clip bothers me. I take it out. Hoping that the vomitous urges either come quickly, or go away. Minutes pass. And neither... so I continue to lay there. I slowly doze off.

Until it hits. Hard. And fast. I charge into the bathroom like a bat out of hell. Like a four year old boy who can't aim straight into the ceramic bowl, I hit everything within a three foot radius. Again. And Again. And Again.

I don't think there's a single thing left in my stomach.

Breathing only through my nose with my mouth slightly ajar, I turn to the sink and begin cleaning myself up. It takes awhile ... because well ... I have LONG hair. And I'm grossed out. Five minutes later, after I brush my teeth, wash my face, wash sections of my hair, and change my shirt, I turned on the lights to assess the rest of the damage.

HOLY $#%&*@&#* DISGUSTING!

The glass of Cabernet Sauvignon I drank with dinner was NOT one of my finer ideas tonight. Nor was eating that second helping of rice pilaf.

The bathroom is now clean. There's an extra towel and a glass of water perched by the sink. Just in case. An hour and a half after I went to bed the first time and I'm ready to attempt to lay down again.

Or not. Round Two feels like it's about to begin. Maybe I should quickly chug a glass of white wine. You know, to balance out the coloring of the next clean up? And get a haircut.


* edited at 12:45 am to say that we're now preparing for Round Three.
** edited again at 3:50 am to say that we're now preparing for Round Four.
This has been a long night...

21 comments:

Shannon said...

Uggh! Gross! And I am sorry you are feeling bad. Hope it passes quickly and you feel better soon.

You are the only person I know who can make stomach illness amusing, to me anyway. I laughed, I am sorry.

American in Norway said...

Ewwww..poor thing. Hope you are feeling better! :-)

Mom24 said...

Ugh. So sorry. I hope it was food poisoning and not a virus that the kids could get. :(

Hope things are better now.
xoxo

A Daring Adventure said...

Oh no! I am also hoping it really is food poisoning and not something that can pass on to the children. Which would be the LAST thing that you need. :(

So sorry you're feeling so gross...

Christy said...

OMG you poor thing. I wish I was local so I could come and get your kids ready for school so you could sleep it off. Hopefully someone can come and help you!?!

Michelle said...

Food poisoning I have to say is the worst thing I've ever experienced. Not even a recovery from a c-section was that bad. On top of the voluminous stuff pouring out of me I had awful stomach cramping that felt like someone was stabbing me in the gut. I hope it passes QUICKLY for you.

Daniela Swider said...

Oh, I am so sorry! That sounds awful! Hope you are feeling better now!

Tara R. said...

Ack! I hope you are feeling better VERY soon.

Kat said...

I've had food poisoning a couple of times. It is horrid. I am amazed at your ability to blog it! WOW. Very impressive. You are a toughie!
I hope it gets better ASAP.
Feel better!

Bfiles said...

oh, no. feel better quickly.

Headless Mom said...

Oh no! I wish I was closer so I could take the kids off your hands for a little while today!

xoxo, friend.

Jen said...

Ugh, that's no fun at all...sounds worse than my morning sickness with all three (not much to yuck up since I couldn't eat anyway :-)

Feel better!!

Emily said...

That is terrible. I am so sorry. I hope that it passes quickly.

Anna See said...

You poor baby! I am so, so sorry. What a miserable situation. xo

Gwen said...

I hope you are feeling better now!

The Mom Jen said...

huge hugs sweetie, hope it's all over~

Twenty Four At Heart said...

Oh ... that just sucks. There's nothing worse than being sick and having to take care of kids. I hope you're feeling better now and that it's NOT a bug the whole family catches!

Connie said...

oh awful!!! Hope you are completely better now.

Sara said...

This is not supposed to happen in the US. Totally likely in all our third and fourth world living but not in CA!! I'm so sorry. At least it wasn't one of the kids. Thank Goodness.
I hope you can get some rest.

anymommy said...

I am so sorry. There is nothing worse than being horribly sick all by yourself.

Kate Coveny Hood said...

Oh my god - that's awful! The only time I've ever had food poisoning, I was in China. But I don't think it makes any difference. Sick is sick (and I'd rather be sick in a hotel bathroom where someone else does the scouring than in my own bathroom....

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