6.12.2008

The Stork Got Lost on Ben Yehuda Street...

It has never been a secret that we'd like to expand our family. We've talked openly about our desire to have one more child. We had grand ideas about when this would happen. We saved all of our baby stuff from the girls. We made a schedule. We had names! But even the best laid plans (and directions) don't always work out the way you'd like or hope them to.

We saw a fertility specialist yesterday.

I hadn't planned on sharing this personal part of my life with all of you. I got tired of hiding something that I'm not ashamed of, I'm not embarrassed to talk about, and is a big part of our life right now.

We saw a fertility specialist here in Newport Beach because we needed follow up from our fertility specialist back in Israel.

If you weren't aware of our issues, don't worry, not many people were. It wasn't something we were sharing... until now. If you're uncomfortable with this topic, you may want to stop reading right here as I'm going to go into some minor detail about our past few years. Just put your fingers in your ears while saying "la la la la la la la" and wait until tomorrow's posting. I promise it will be lighter, funnier, and with some self deprecating humor. Today is all about me.

We have been quote unquote trying for almost two years now. Of course, we had to work around Matt's crazy work schedule and the never ending visits from the Secretary of State, who I blamed for many a missed cycle. Immaculate conception only worked for one person that I know of... we clearly needed to be in the same place at the same time. So when we were, and nothing progressed, I made an appointment with a specialist. One appointment and several blood tests later we determined that I had hypothyroid disease. Well that was easy. Thyroxine Sodium here we come... and my first of many pregnancies too!

I'll leave out the specifics, but I will tell you that in the last year I have been pregnant several times, had a few D&Cs, more blood tests than I care to remember, several invasive tests, endless medications, and a lot of stress. I won't sugar coat it... it's been a rough year physically on me, on my body, and emotionally for both of us. After a few miscarriages you don't look at a positive pregnancy test the same way.

The specialist yesterday offered us answers and hope. We came well prepared, with 1/2 inch stack of records. After our one hour consultation, he performed an examination and ultrasound, and confirmed his findings.

These next few weeks will be busy. On top of all the shopping, visiting family and friends, the trip up to Northern California, and the relaxing that we're supposed to be doing, I'm having another surgery. A laparoscopy and hysteroscopy. I'm not looking forward to it.... I'll be out of commission for a few days, potentially missing some good sales at Nordstrom. But this doctor is working under our time constraints, switching his schedule to fit us in and "fix" us before we leave for India. I liked him. Matt got a good vibe from him. His practice is very chi chi, something I appreciate after Israel, and will be sad to leave when we go to India. For goodness sakes, he warmed up his KY jelly before his ultrasound! The devil really is in the details...

For the first time in a long time we both have hope. It's been a long, strange road to get here, and will get even windier before it straightens out. But we'll get there. Eventually. And when it finally does, you'll be the first to hear about it... after my parents and in-laws and siblings, and well, when I'm ready to share it. Because I don't share everything. Almost.

19 comments:

Yossi said...

Wow. Thank you for sharing this, Jill. I'm delighted that you have opportunity to hope! All my best wishes for a speedy and complete recovery.

American in Norway said...

Hang in there kiddo...it will happen. You are in my prayers. : )

Mrs4444 said...

http://xbox4nappyrash.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/default?alt=rss

This is the blog of a dad in your circumstances. In fact, I just arrived at your blog after reading his today. He and his wife are living in Holland. Just thought I'd pass the address on, in case you are interested.

I wish you all the best, especially for your upcoming surgery. I'll keep you in my prayers....

G in Berlin said...

Thank you for sharing this. I'll be thinking of you and wishing you the best.

Mom24 said...

I never got pregnant very easily...thus my first 3 kids being 8 years apart each. I can't imagine, as hard as that was, what it would be like to go through miscarriages. I am so sorry. You have been in my thoughts and prayers. I hope that your surgery is a positive development that leads to more positive developments.

mitchell-st said...

Clued into your blog from Danie in Chennai. I enjoy the fact that you haven't quit blogging just because you're back in the US!

We also live in Chennai - came the same time Danie did. I have two kids - one adopted and one bio. Love them both.

Anyway, I'm not sure why I'm sharing all this except to say hang in there. We dealt with infertility and miscarriages for years and years.....although not abroad, thank goodness. Been there, done that, got the scars (emotional and physical!) to prove it.

Infertility is big business over here in India so if you need more procedures, you'll have options. My thoughts are with you....hoping for success!

Here's to seeing you big and prego in Chennai, :)

Teresa
my blog is myfamilyinindia at opera.com

Andrea said...

Thanks for sharing this. There are a lot of people it seems these days that have infertility problems. I can no longer have children after I had my son so we adopted our daughter to complete our family. I'm glad you found a doctor that offers you hope and answers. Staying positive can't hurt!

Diane Mandy said...

Thank you for sharing. I will be rooting for you! I understand how frustrating these issues can be, but keep trying to maintain a positive feeling. I believe it helps!

mary said...

I just turned 36 and don't yet have kids (just got married last year). I don't assume it will be an easy path at my age, so I am sending tons of good vibes your way. And I'll be reading intently and learning from whatever you choose to share with us :)

Danie said...

I'm sorry to hear you've been going through this. I hope you're surgery is successfu. Thinking of you...

Eve Grey said...

Sorry you're going through all this. I've read a few things about "secondary" infertility & how it's very difficult because many people are very insensitive to the whole topic saying things such as "well, you already have a child (or two), etc...." I wish you the best of luck. It'll happen!

Tracey said...

we went through infertility issues and procedures for 5 years...now adopting...good luck and I'll pray everything goes well for you

Simple Answer said...

I'll pray that this is the right answer. And if not, I'll pray for a peace that transcends all understanding.

Tenakim said...

This is my first time over here. I read this and I feel like an intruder-me trying to tip toe out. ooops sorry- just ignore me!

My best wishes to you and your family- I have seen a lot of bloggers dealing with this same issue so hopefully you can get knowledge and support.

karey m. said...

sitting here with all my fingers crossed. and toes and eyes.

let me know when i can stop this childish behavior.

thinking of you...

Maggie, Dammit said...

How funny, I was totally going to recommend Xbox's blog and I see someone up there did. He really is wonderful.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Thanks for being brave enough to share it.

C.C. said...

Wow...I've been down a very similar road, Jill. Keeping you close in my thoughts.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

Here's hoping you get the support from everyone that your honesty deserves.

As under represented as infertility is, secondary infertility throws up so many other struggles.

Less than responsive medical professionals (if you're unlucky), and also trying to put aside the all consuming nature of TTC while looking after existing children.

The very best of luck, I hope you can continue to share.

(Mrs4444 & Maggie, dammit - thank you)

Danielle said...

New here and was scrolling through your posts.

Good luck. Really. I can't imagine how hard or sucky it's been, but sending good thoughts for a positive end result!!

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